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#7: Panic on Wall Street

12/15/2015

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If you’re looking for a quiet night at home, go away. This game is not for you. This is a game of frantic shouting, of bullying, of shoving people aside and bellowing at your friends. This is a game of waving fistfuls of money in the air and demanding someone’s attention. This is a game where seconds matter, chaos reigns, and nothing’s going to stop you from getting what you want. If Lords of Vegas simulates capitalism well, this game rolls it neatly up and shoves it straight down your throat. This is Panic on Wall Street, the loudest, most frantic game you’ll ever play.

In a game of Panic on Wall Street, half the players will take on the role of stock brokers, trying to sell stocks to the other half, the investors. For two minutes, negotiations will take place, with investors bidding higher and higher to buy more valuable stocks. After the two minutes, a dice roll will inform the table as to whether the stock’s value rose or fell. Investors will either gain or lose money, they will then pay the brokers for the stocks, the brokers will pay a flat fee for every stock they have to sell.

Okay, that’s the description, and it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry. When you explain the rules to people for the first time, you can see their dubious expressions. You’ll start the first round, flipping the timer. Someone will tentatively offer ten for a blue stock. Another investor will start to offer fifteen, but will be interrupted by another broker offering a blue stock for ten. Two investors will both speak up to claim it, but at the same time, another broker has a good deal on yellow, and now four people are speaking at once, but those red stocks are a great value, and it’s at a great price, and who wants this green stock at five, all of you, well maybe it costs twenty, what do you mean he’s selling green at ten, OH GOD TIME IS NEARLY UP I’LL SELL IT TO ANYONE PLEASE WHATEVER PRICE I HAVE KIDS TO FEED.

The first round will start quiet, and will build to a cacophony of screaming and yelling. The following rounds will not start quiet. As soon as the timer starts, the room will explode, and it won’t subside for the entire two minutes. As soon as the time stops, everyone will fall deathly quiet to watch the dice that determine the fate of the stocks bounce across the table. It’s an agonizing moment, and you will hear howls of triumph when the price goes up, and the horrified groans when a stock you dumped way too much money in drops like a rock.

Panic on Wall Street is an intense, overwhelming experience, and is unlike anything else I’ve ever played. Playing this game at a convention still ranks as one of my favorite gaming experiences ever, as hundreds of attendees stopped what they were doing to stare at the dozen people screaming over one another. It’s something I get visibly excited about playing whenever I have the chance to bring it out, and it’s the game you’ll be talking about for days after it’s over.

- Dietrich Stogner



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